I’ll never forget a conversation I once had with my grandparents during my discernment. They were both lifelong Catholics, but they were struggling to grasp what it meant for me to be a consecrated virgin “living in the world.” “Is that the same thing as being a nun?” Maw-Maw asked. Paw-Paw insisted that it wasn’t complicated: I would become a sister but wouldn’t live in a convent. Maw-Maw wrestled with the idea a bit more: how could I become a sister without joining a religious order? Finally, she concluded: “So you’re basically becoming a freelance nun.“
What We Have in Common
My grandmother’s assessment was actually more accurate than she realized. A consecrated virgin and a religious sister are similar in many ways. Both women belong under the broad umbrella of vocations to “consecrated life” in the Church. Both are brides of Christ who forsake marriage out of love for Jesus and a desire to serve Him with “undivided devotion” (1 Corinthians 7:35, ESV). Both pray the Liturgy of the Hours with and for the Church. However, these vocations also differ, much in the same way that there is a difference between the lives of a diocesan priest and a priest in a religious order.
Vows and the Evangelical Counsels
Sisters profess vows of poverty, chastity and obedience to the superior of their community. They follow a common rule of life and a common spirituality, are united by a shared apostolate, and live together in communities set apart from the world. Often sisters wear a habit that identifies them as a member of their order.
In contrast, as a consecrated virgin, I did not profess “vows” on the day of my consecration; however, I am not exempt from living out the evangelical counsels! I did not take a vow of poverty; however, I am still called to lead a life of simplicity in the midst of the world. I did not make an explicit promise of obedience to my bishop; instead, I have dedicated myself to pray for and serve my diocese under the guidance of my bishop. Finally, I did not profess a “vow” of chastity; rather, I made a resolution of perpetual virginity that was affirmed and solemnly consecrated by my bishop on the day of my consecration in 2012. This resolution became the “form” of my life and vocation.
Charism and Apostolate
Perhaps the most important difference between religious life and consecrated virginity concerns “charism,” which is the unique gift or grace that a religious community receives from the Holy Spirit and brings into the Church and the world. For example, the charism of the Missionaries of Charity is to quench the thirst of Jesus for souls by ministering to the poorest of the poor. The charism of a religious order is evident in their shared work and prayer, but the charism of a consecrated virgin, regardless of her profession or her apostolate, is simply to be the bride of Christ in the midst of the world.
Since my consecration, it has been my responsibility to discern how to best serve my diocese according to my gifts and talents. For the past eight years, I have taught in a Catholic school and mentored young women who are discerning a vocation; however, this could change someday. Whatever my apostolate, my primary “work” will always be prayer for my bishop and for the Church.
Other Practicalities
Because I am not a member of a religious order, I do not use the title “Sister,” nor do I wear a religious habit; I do, however, wear a wedding band as a sign of my marriage to Christ. This ring is a constant, tangible reminder of Jesus’ love for me as His bride and His love for the whole Church.
I live in a small house that I own and support myself financially through my work as a teacher. (On a practical level, this means that I am responsible for paying bills, owning a car, saving for my retirement, etc.) Right now I have one roommate, but in the future I may choose to live with family, friends, or other consecrated women.
My community is, properly speaking, my church parish, although I also maintain close friendships with priests, consecrated virgins, and my single and married friends. I am also blessed to be the mother of a huge family of spiritual children— not least among them, my students and former students.
A Consecrated Virgin? 